I grew up going to church with my parents on the weekends, faith formation through my early childhood years, completing confirmation in the first 1/2 of high school, & helping teens through confirmation through my second 1/2 of high school and freshman year of college.
My life has been privileged in a lot of ways, but I think what’s given me the most benefit was always being encouraged towards Christ.
Believing in God is the most freeing thing you can do, it’s believing in miracles, believing in salvation. And isn’t freedom what we all crave as humans?
Freedom to be yourself completely, uninhibited, and full of love and joy.
My mom raised me Catholic, as her mother did for her & my uncles. My grandmother studied religion, and found that she felt most at home with Catholicism.
My church has a confirmation program, that's geared towards freshman and sophomore high school students. As I went through the process, I really admired the program and the people who ran it. I loved that the youth leaders were other high school students, and I found that that made it easier to resonate with the entire process. It was a serious commitment, we had our sessions every other Sunday after mass, during the months that aligned with the school year. There was a day-long retreat for freshman, and a weekend-long retreat for the sophomores (this would happen in the Spring before everyone was confirmed at the end of the school year).
Once I was confirmed, my commitment to the process really flourished. I would come into the community area, dubbed “the lighthouse,” a few days a week, always for hours at a time, hours of brainstorming sessions, meetings or weekly team meetings, event set up & more.
I loved what I was doing, facilitating a thoughtful environment for teens to get closer to God. And I loved that I could flex my creativity muscles to think of unique ideas for our events, innovative event set up, team building exercises and so much more.
I was very proud to hold a leadership position as a young adult in the church. I had experienced anxiety related to public speaking, and even certain social situations in my schooling since childhood.
Being a youth leader, I was able to see public speaking in a different light. I definitely felt freer to be seen “on stage” so to speak, within the context of the church. I felt safer & that no judgments could harm me, God would protect me from them. This was so powerful for me as a young gal. A self proclaimed wall flower if you will.
I felt guided and even encouraged to speak up, freely, and know that my words were being received with open hearts.
What I’m most proud of perhaps, or what stands out now, looking back, was narrating for our production of the Passion of Christ. The youth team would illustrate the story for the congregation every year around Easter time. I was blessed to narrate for both of my years as an upperclassman.
At school I was missing class for fear of public speaking, and at church I was doing it with a mic pack, in front of hundreds of people.
It was for something bigger than me.
The dichotomy I truly did not see until this moment now that I type it out, nearly a decade later.
I am so proud of 16 year old me, living out her life purpose & being a voice for the love that Jesus Christ has for all of us.
All of this has shaped me greatly, I think even more so than I consciously consider.
Through these years, I experienced some of my most intimate friendships, at least up until this point. Best friends who I laughed with, cried with, prayed with.
High school is a wildly turbulent time, & although I formed bonds in this safe environment, the friendships could not withstand the pressures of growing up, the pressures of puberty, social dynamics, even my own ego and self-image.
Young girls are always being stacked against each other, by teachers, their peers, even their own parents. (Of course, boys as well, but this is not my perspective)
When some of these friendships went sour, it turned into a demented power struggle. A series of one-ups. Looking back on it, it’s like we would take turns belittling the other, subtly undermining or invalidating the other one. Or blatant, in your face, social exclusion that really cuts to your core as a budding teen.
There was back and forth on social media, mocking, and all sorts of convoluted drama.
I don't claim to be the bigger person in this reflection. In fact, I remember abusing my power in some situations. Like assigning tasks for everyone else in the team, and ignoring my old friends. Of course, probably all of the parties felt that they were largely innocent, and that they (including me) were being picked on. Like I said, the dynamics would shift, kind of like a seesaw, one day you feel like you're on top, next thing you know your bottoms hitting the floor.
It's hard to turn from friend to foe. And a lot of the time, as those tables turn, you have lots of ammo to know how to hit them where it hurts. To cut into someone's confidence, make them feel ugly, dumb, unworthy, etc. You know about their relationship with their mom, older sister, on-and-off ex boyfriend. You know about the teacher who picks on them, or their athletics coach who believes in them when no one else does. You know their weaknesses and no longer appreciate their strengths.
Now, I write all this to say that your goodness is not determined by your religious affiliation, or the community service that you do, or the accomplishments that look good on paper. You can spend your time volunteering, and still have hatred in your heart. You can give back, while still taking more than you need.
Looking back it really is such a shame I couldn’t have sustained long lasting friendships from my time at church, but maybe the lessons are more powerful. Perhaps the friendships were not made to last, but made to get me through those years of growing pains.
In my heart, I hold love for these old friends, and I wish them God's love and blessings. Growing is a strange process, especially painful when you dig your heels into the ground.
Holding a grudge is too heavy for me, and I've had to forgive myself along with these friends. I don't think that teen girls are inherently malicious, but rather, they're encouraged to be, by media (movies, dramatized tv shows, etc) and sometimes grown adults.
If you're reading this, be nice and gentle to teen girls (and boys). They might act feisty, even bulletproof. But they are not, they are soft, mold-able innocent growing girls (and boys).
I learned in a psychology class that empathy is a higher level emotion, one that takes longer to develop (after puberty teens are adults biologically; emotionally, mentally, there's still growing to do).
It's important to remember this, next time you're expecting maturity from girls and boys who are still in their youth. Be gentle with them, and maybe, just maybe, you'll encourage them to be gentle with their peers, and themselves.
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