In some people's eyes, I'm perceived as having a strong "cut-off" game. Although, this term can lend itself to being something heartless, or self-centered, when prioritizing yourself should never feel that way.
Simply put, not all relationships bring out the best in us.
My psychology professor would always say: find people who hold up a positive mirror to you.
Be with people who show you your goodness & compliment you without prompting. Someone who throws your mistakes in your face is not holding up a positive mirror to you. Someone who holds space for you, listens to you, and encourages you, reminding you of your talents and innate qualities, is holding up a positive mirror for you. (You should expect this dynamic to go both ways, you can't expect gentleness from someone who you're harsh to.)
After all these years of exploring my deeper self, I'm able to see things clearly. Especially when it comes to things I entertain in my life. It's great to have mutually beneficial relationships, but unfortunately even the healthiest of relationships can turn unhealthy, & more toxic situations can feel completely soul sucking.
I've become a master at noticing the dynamics between myself and others. Am I more invested that the other person? Do they actually appreciate my presence? Do I appreciate theirs?
Sometimes, when people really hit it off, it can seem like you have everything, or nearly everything, in common. You become rapidly intertwined, and forget patience & the beauty of a slow progression of getting to know someone. By the way, I'm talking about friendships, romantic relationships, family, business connections & everything in between.
We deserve to have fulfilling and energizing connections in every area of our life. And the era of accepting less is absolutely over.
If we cannot force people to treat us with respect, (which I don't advocate for anyway) we must SHOW them how we do it!
These might sound like lofty ideas & I agree they are. But this world is ever shifting, & self-wellness might be the best solution to get individuals in a healthier space to engage in bigger, worldwide issues.
This reminds me of a quote I love "the entirety of the human existence comes from within."
I'm not sure if I got that quote exact, but basically it says that your entire human experience is guided, felt, and narrated by you! Inside of you! Not outside!
Only you know what's deep inside of you, but hopefully, with uplifting and engaging relationships, that sacred you can feel safe to come out, and light up our world.
Back to our original discussion, what do I do when I feel like my energy is being manipulated in a way that takes more than it gives? A few things:
call back my energy: I like to speak this over myself like affirmations. But then I feel into my body and visualize my energy (cleansed and purified) returning to me in waves, and alchemizing my body to its full potential. (THIS IS A TWO FOLD PROCESS: you will also want to return any energy that is not yours, may this be negative thoughts spoken over you or just the feeling of something that's not quite right, not quite yours) Recieve your energy, and freely send away any energy that's not serving your highest good, & be thankful to the Creator for this healing process.
invest in ideas/projects I've neglected: Personally when I get wrapped up in a connection, I can dismiss things I've been focused on. I put my passion projects on the back burner so I can focus more on this new connection. This is never something I would recommend & actually, spending time with your projects would make you (& your energy) more attractive to this new person who you are enjoying getting to know. Overall, regardless of your creative pursuits, hold them close when you're connecting with others. Your art is apart of you, and it should never be cast aside. Keeping invested in your art will also allow you to be your most embodied and authentic version of yourself.
journal: gets all the noise out, the comparisons that you might be making about the situation, & allows you to see your deeper feelings below the surface of your experience. maybe this person has brought out an older version of you. How can you love this version of you? Why have they come back up & what do they need?
movement + fresh air: this one is probably self explanatory because I always preach the power of rejuvenating yourself in Mother Nature. Getting out of your head, and into your entire body and the natural world, will remind you that this situation isn't as grand or all consuming as it might feel. Let yourself breathe, let yourself release the clutter, and let your mind burn some of that anxious, cognitive energy through movement. I love to release energy through my meditative jogs, but walking can be equally relaxing & beneficial. Feel into your feet and notice all the sensations that occur while you move. Fill your mind with affirmations of your strength, and only speak positively while you move (this is to prevent injury, when we are wrapped up mentally, we can misstep or mistakenly hurt ourselves while working out. so it's always best to keep your mind clear when being active, and focus on this moment to be in your body)
I hope you like this post, & feel free to leave a comment if you want me to expand on any of these ideas!